To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing this in attempt to give insight over the course of the past six years of my life and how GHB and other factors have led me down a path self destruction. I began using GHB, after my father passed away when I was 19. At the time I was attending community college and working as a Title Searcher for an abstract company. After doing research on the Internet and reading a book entitled “GHB: the natural mood enhancer” I was led to believe that the product was 100% safe when used as directed. In addition to this there also numerous health claims such as a better night sleep, a fat burner, a social enhancer, it was a miracle drug in fighting depression, and it also had a muscle building effect. These claims were supported by years of research by doctors and scientist. They also claimed it was not addicting; something I would find out later was far from the truth. At that
time GHB was legal and could be purchased over the Internet.

I continued to use GHB for 4 years until it was made illegal, soon after a market for GHB analogs became available at any health food store, sold as Furanone, and it had the same effects. It was sold in attractive bottles and was flavored. It was legal and not regulated by the FDA under a supplement law that was passed in 1994. At this time I started buying cases at wholesale and reselling them to supplement my income, I also was working as
a merchandiser for a clothing company and attended university full time on a part academic scholarship. G was a part of my identity I never left home without it I thought it was a miracle drug that helped me overcome my introverted nature. It made into the person I wanted to be, outgoing, and empathetic and there were no side effects, I was happy and healthy and in the best shape of my life.

After I graduated in Dec of 1999, I attempted to apply for various jobs at Nordstrom, Macy’s, and Lord and Taylor to name a few. After doing background check they found I had a record. This combined with having too much time on my hands led my to increase my G intake to around the clock every 4 hours to help me sleep and just to function. I was spending thousands of dollars on cases of G, I was going through a bottle every 3 days at my worst. By March of 2000 Furanone was taken off the shelf and I lost my source of income, and worse I was unable to get more G for myself. It was then I began having
serious withdrawals. The withdrawals consisted of panic attacks, tremors, and delirium, visual and tactile hallucinations; sever insomnia, social anxiety disorder, and depression. I had to move home and seek medical attention from a psychiatrist, which helped a little. I was then able to work a few times a week doing landscaping for a friend, but I was still
unable to go out, and was confined to my home for 6 months. I attempted to attend a computer school but I was unable to concentrate. And I had to drop out after a month.

During that period I sought to find detox facilities and doctors that were familiar with treating GHB withdrawal. I contacted a number of facilities across the state, all of which denied me, citing that they unfamiliar with my condition or that the withdrawal is life threatening and violent. I found one behavioral health center that would take me, and I was treated like just another junkie, they did not realize that I had no idea what I had gotten
myself into. There was no evidence provided at the time that G was as addicting as Heroin and Cocaine, after all it was legal and sold at health food stores. I had no health insurance and no money to pay the outrageous fees at these private centers. I became even more depressed and went back on G when I could find it, hoping that something else will come along that might help me get off.

In July I came across a message board on the Internet that dealt with GHB addiction and withdrawal. It was there I was referred to a facility in NYC. I went in for one day it cost me $2000 and they gave me the same medication as my other doctors. The withdrawal lasts for up to 2 weeks followed up by months of depression. I realized I could not afford it and would be better off as an out- patient. I then found a doctor in Philadelphia who was
familiar with G withdrawal and had a more aggressive approach to my problem, and he agreed for me to do it at home. This was successful, however for the month of August I stayed confined to my home afraid to face society once again.

By September I reentered Computer School, I continued on through November until I had a relapse. It was at this point my life took a turn for the worst, for the next 5 months I went on a binge of mixing G, cocaine, Ecstasy, and sleeping pills. I needed the drugs just to function, and to sleep. Now I’m not only addicted to G but the sleeping medication that was
prescribed to me as well.

I felt I needed to make up for all the time I spent at home and to forget the fact that I could not find a steady career. I was surrounded by friends who were drug dealers and users since I got out of high school and I never realized what I was doing was wrong. I have been easily influenced all my life and I never took the time to make my own decisions. No one ever sat me aside to intervene on my behalf and when family members tried I just turned
a cold shoulder. I had no conscience. Using GHB made me forget about all my problems, it led me to make poor decisions without ever realizing the consequences of my actions. There were times I fell as sleep and almost burned my house down with a cigarette or cooking on the stove, or crashed my car. I am lucky to still be alive.

I realize now that it would have to come to an end some how whether I killed myself or I entered into a long-term rehab to have a complete transformation. Unfortunately it took me getting arrested to come to terms with all my problems and bring even more shame to my family and myself. However I know this is probably the best thing that could of happened, the end of the chapter of my life of drugs and the beginning of a productive,
and positive long life. I want to become a different person...a much better person. Someone who doesn’t need drugs or alcohol to be social, have fun and enjoy life. I was not meant to go down this path, I came from a loving, Christian family and there is something else out there that I was meant to do with my life.

Name Withheld


I feel your pain

I too, experience something very similar. Very similar. felt the pain of shame, humility, and betrayal. Like you mentioned you come from a strong Christian family. Cliche as it sounds, God is hope, its for the weak, however, we are all weak. At a young age I lost 3 close friends in a span of 2 years. One was due to my actions and stupidity, one shot himself in the head, and one died from a heart attack. Ironically, I too was 19 when this downhill spiral began. The incident that bothered me the most was the friend that shot himself in the head because I understood why he did it. That right there ate me alive for months and i thought about it while I isolated myself for months from the world. I called him two weeks before he killed himself and all he did was thank me repeatedly, just thanking me. I was too busy with my own selfish life to realized he need my help. I felt so much guilt, knowing I could have made a difference. Some people called him stupid or retarded for doing that. It made me want to punch those people in the face. Nevertheless, I began using drugs and alcohol and experienced withdrawals. I went to see a psychiatrist also and realized their are just sharks that want your money by giving you meds that can be harmful on the long term. However, the thing that i keep in mind everyday is, "if it doesn't kill me it only makes me stronger". I used to be arrogant, selfish, and oblivious to what was important. Life isn't about me, I will only be remembered for the things I do for others. So as of now all i want to do is give back and help people at need. I have suffered for 4 years now, and its still on going, im still going through my trial and errors, and hardship. Only till that kept me from committing suicide is my family, and valuing the smaller things in life, which ultimately transpired into something bigger when you add them all up. Life is life, some people are more blessed than others, some people go to hell and back, but given life itself and being to walk, talk, hear, smell, and see is a blessing. So I the question I ask myself, "am I envious of God for being generous?" (to others)

Stay strong, it will work out, long as you have full faith, Sounds like BS sometimes, but what choice do you have. Fully surrender, and you'll see far more than what others are capable of seeing.

10 percent of life is the BS that occurs, 90 percent of life is how you react to those situations.